two years, one month

Oh Zac...

While I was thinking about what I was going to write about this week, I considered how you might feel, years from now, reading a long letter venting about how difficult this week has been. I worried if I would be able to balance the good with the not-so-good, the praise and pride with the frustration and disappointment. The truth is, you're 2. And if I only write about all the wonderful, funny, sweet things you do, I wouldn't be honest and the whole point of this blog is for us to remember you at 2. All of you.

So, here goes...

This week reminded me of why we decided to sleep train you. From the day you were born, you were a good sleeper. Just like your mommy, it wasn't long before you were sleeping 5-7 hr stretches over night and good solid naps during the day. You never confused your days and nights. It was great. I'm not one of those mom's who looks back on the days of having a newborn and thinks, "wow, those first few weeks were awful." Quite the opposite, you were delightful and easy and only really starting crying (and making me cry with you, at times) around 6 weeks. Once we all survived that week or two, we were in a good routine until you were about 4 months old. I had been back at work for about a month and you decided that you couldn't sleep without me right there next to you. But, the smell of my milk kept you awake. After a series of nights of you waking up 8-10 times and only going back to sleep while nursing, we decided to sleep train you. Really, it was awful. We didn't do cry-it-out, but a big part of changing routines is frustrating and it's not like you were able to say "Mommy, come here, I need you" like you do now. So, you cried. A lot.

Last Thursday night, you figured out how to climb out of your crib. And you did this 4 times.  You must have planned this escape, too. You strategically threw your pillow and blanket out first (to cushion that landing, perhaps?) I have no idea how you landed on your feet as you still trip over your feet when walking. Daddy kept putting you in your crib, reminding you that it was bed time. And you kept climbing out to come find us.   "I climb out of crib. I open door." Thanks Zac, sleep as we've known it for the past 17 months is over.

So, on Friday afternoon, Mommy and Daddy, with your repeated interruption help, (which included sitting on my face, by the way), took off the side rail and converted your crib into a toddler bed. Daddy got you to sleep in less than half an hour and I was relieved. You woke up at 6:15 on Saturday morning. Nearly TWO hours earlier than you usually do on a Saturday morning. I took advantage of the early start and we spent the day on Saturday with Micki and cousin Willow.

Sunday you refused to nap. 3 hours in and out of your bed. I tried everything. You even told me to leave your room and that you would "stay in bed. not get up. keep door closed." Ha! 2 seconds later you were laughing (at me) and dancing at my feet. 3 hours of this crap and I was more tired than you and I began to wonder which one of us really needed the nap. Yes, I gave up. It was then close to 4 pm and when you said to me "mommy, I'm tired" while rubbing your eyes, my response was "well, that's too bad. it's time to get up." Each night was more and more difficult. Your teachers said you were tired and it was hard to get you up from your naps. Daddy and I looked and felt like Zombies. I thought I was never going to sleep past 5 am again (Did I mention you woke me up at 5 o'clock on Tuesday morning? NOT how I like to start the longest day of my week!)

This morning, after a better night's sleep in your crib. You told me you had poop in your diaper and that you wanted me to change you.  For months, you've been resisting the messy diaper changes (trust me, Zac, we don't enjoy them either). You've even lied and said you DIDN'T have a dirty diaper when it was obvious to our noses that you did.

You are just not ready to sleep in a Big Boy Bed. You are at a stage of such rapid development (verbal and physical) that something needs to stay consistent. Changing your bed right now, well, it's just not the right time.

I'd rather have a weaned, potty-trained, 2 year old with all his teeth and sleeps through the night in a crib, than I clingy, smelly, drippy, 2 year old complaining about new molars that "sleeps" in a toddler bed and wakes me up before the sun rises.

One day, Zac, Mommy and Daddy will take you to see the sunrise. And most likely, you'll complain that we're waking you up too early and you just want to go back to sleep.

Happy 25 months, Zac. Now get some sleep.

Love, Mommy