THREE YEARS OLD

Dear Zachary,

On Tuesday, the day before your 3rd birthday, mommy and daddy had a parent teacher conference in your classroom. I continue to be amazed by how you grow and change. Your teachers and friends love you. They want to be with you and work with you and play with you. They appreciate your warmth, your humor and your intelligence.

When mommy and daddy first sat down at the tiny nursery school sized table, the first thing your teachers commented on was how bright you are.  You are learning so many new skills daily, both school skills, like reading and math, but also interpersonal skills, like listening, working with others, and waiting for your turn. Sometimes that last one is a bit hard, especially when your friends make a mistake and you want to correct them.

You know all the letter names and sounds  and try to spell every word you come across, especially the names of your friends and teachers. You know all the numbers and, can put them in order (1-9 or 9-1) when asked. You are starting to write letters and numbers. You can paint simple pictures, like pumpkins and rainbows. You can put together puzzles up to 40 pcs independently, and you will ask for help when there are more pieces than you can handle.

Your teachers are most struck with your comprehension of both stories and oral instructions. You are able to hear a book read to you and you can recall most of what you heard. The teacher will explain an instruction and you will understand it and follow through the first time. Your teacher will show you how to complete a new work in the class, and you will dive right in and master it.

Because of the mixed-age nature of your class, some works are geared more towards the older kids in the class, the 4's, and not really for you. But you chose those activities anyway. Usually the difference between the activities for 3's and 4's is in how long the work will take to complete. You tend to chose the work that requires time and patience and maybe a friend to work with you. We are all impressed by your ability to sustain focus.

You think you are one of the teachers in your classroom. You enjoy sitting in Mariel's chair and running circle time. You like to chose the songs, and call on your friends to join in.
You greet everyone by name, and when you don't know who someone is, you will ask them who they are and introduce yourself. When someone walks into your classroom, you will get up from your activity and greet them at the door.

You are the best version of yourself at school. It seems as if everything you struggle to do at home, sitting at the table during meal times, cleaning up your toys, stopping what you are doing to use the bathroom - none of this happens at school. This is both frustrating and a relief to know. While I'm grateful you know how to sit for the duration of a meal, clean up your toys when you are done, and get up to use the bathroom when you need to pee, I'm frustrated that these things are such a battle at home. We will continue to work with you on all of this when you are home, now that we know you know how to do it.

Tomorrow we are celebrating your birthday with a party. So many of your friends will be there, I think you are really going to love it.

I am so proud of you, my big birthday boy.

Happy 3rd birthday.

Love,
Mommy

two years, 364 days.

Dear Zachary, 

In addition to my letter, which I will write tomorrow, for your third birthday I wanted to make a list of everything you've learned how to do in the past year. 

1. Get dressed on your own. Socks are still a bit tricky, and you don't know how to tie your shoes, yet. But, you can put on underwear, pants, shirts, sweatshirts, hats and jackets with little to no help from mommy and daddy. 

2. Go to the bathroom when you need to. 

3. Sound out short words. 

4. Spell your name and attempt to spell (with quite a bit of accuracy!) names of other people and some words. 

5. Write a few letters, including Z, A and C!

6. Do mazes and connect the dots up to 20.

7. Count to 60! (Tho you regularly skip "16")

8. Count backwards from 10.

9. Verbalize your daily routine, in sequence. 

10. Make yourself and other laugh. 

11. Sing entire songs in both English and Hebrew. 

12. Pour a cup of water. 

I'm sure there are more...

I love watching you grow and develop new skills!

So much love,

Mommy

two years, eleven months, one week

Dear Zachary,

I'm sorry for the huge delay since my last letter. It's been very busy around here as we were both starting a new school year.

I am happy to report that you are loving your new classroom and all of your new friends. Mommy and Daddy were a little nervous about the move from Toddler room to Early Childhood, as you are on the younger end of your peer group. But, you have adjusted wonderfully to the new routines in the Red room and look forward to going to school each day. Coming home isn't so easy, but it just reinforces for us how much you love school. I hope this continues for at least the next 15 years.

A couple weeks ago you came home from school stating, "I don't like crying Kai!" This, I'm sure you understand, worried me. I wondered why you didn't like a member of your class, since you've always referred to everyone as your 'friend' and stated how you love them. I wondered how I would teach an almost 3 year old compassion.

I asked, "Why don't you like crying Kai?"
"Because he cries a lot!"
"Why is he crying?"
"Because he wants something!"
"What does he want?"
"He wants his mommy!"

I couldn't believe that my loving little boy was annoyed with another child, a 3 year old, for missing his mommy. I worried that I would need to work harder to teach you compassion. I worried that I was failing at teaching you this important skill. 

Thank god I was wrong. Your "dislike" of "crying Kai" wasn't exactly a dislike of him. Rather, a discomfort with his upset. Seeing him upset and crying so often made you upset, too. We talked to your teachers and talked to you about how Kai needs a friend at school and different things you could do make Kai smile and not cry. The next day you went to school and colored with Kai. You read with him, worked with him and at lunch, though we hadn't talked about it, you sat next to him. 

We haven't heard you complain about crying Kai since. 

I'm so proud of you, my compassionate little man.

Much love, 

Mommy

two years, nine months, two weeks

Dear Zachary,

Sometime when I overhear you reprimanding your toys, I think, I'm not doing this parenting thing so well. You will be yelling at Elmo, telling him to get back in bed, that it's not time to talk.

And other times, I overhear you approach Elmo with gentleness. You wrap him in your favorite giraffe blanket and hold him in your arms, saying "sh, Elmo, it's ok. I'm here, I'm here. I'm right here with you Elmo. I'm not going anywhere. I love you, Elmo."

And I know we're all going to be ok.

I love you, my sweet boy,

Mommy.

two years, nine months

Happy three-quarter birthday!

I can feel your third birthday approaching. So many things that used to be so difficult about parenting you are getting easier. The "terrible two's" have certainly had their terrible moments, and I have certainly have had my terrible moments, too. 

What I'm most happy about is that you are starting to listen more and more to what mommy and daddy are telling you. You rarely fight to get in your stroller when you need to be in your stroller (running late, crowded areas, too far for you to walk), you don't hesitate often to take my hand when crossing the street, and, finally, I'm not afraid that you will run into the street because you "want to." 

You are starting to walk and not run everywhere you go - especially on the sidewalk and around the pool. I love being able to walk with you and talk about your life. I couldn't do that when I spent most of our time together chasing you. 

Until next week,

Mommy. 

two years, eight months, four weeks

Dearest Zachary,

Mommy and Daddy are really trying to model for you appropriate ways to stand up for yourself so that when you are big, you will know how to stand up for yourself and for others. We want you to know which battles to pick, and which to just let go. We want you to feel strong and use your words so that you can explain yourself and what you need and want. We want you to know how to listen to what others need and what they want and come to a compromise. We want you to feel good about yourself and your capabilities and support others as they discover and develop theirs.  These are also the reasons why we picked your school last Spring. We knew the Montessori model would help foster your independence, your problem-solving skills and your sense of community responsibility. We thought the combination of routine and structure in a child-centered atmosphere was what you would thrive in best. And we were right.  

This week mommy and daddy are struggling with a very difficult decision: whether or not to try to move you to a different classroom in the Fall. You were placed in the Red room with one of your friends from last year, but not the other two. The red room teachers, in my opinion, are under qualified, and, considering how much money we are paying for you to be in school 8.5 hrs a day, we are fairly disappointed that your school would hire this person to teach you - or any other child. When I think to myself about this, I wonder if I'm being too picky, if I'm being the parent that constantly says "you're not good enough for my child". As a teacher, I really dispose these parents. They create issues where there are none, they are overly dramatic when there is no need.  I don't think I'm creating an issue here. We pay too much money to have someone teach you all day that A. doesn't have a degree, and B. does not seem to relate well to small children. And I don't think I'm being dramatic. Well, not yet at least.  While I know you will be just fine in any classroom, I am not comfortable putting you in a room with this particular "teacher" all day every day. And while I would love for you to be in a smaller classroom, as the Red room seems to be, I much prefer you being with your friends.

I love you too much to let you see mommy and daddy settle for anything short of what's best for you. It's all going to be ok. 

I love you,

Mommy

Stuttering

When you are totally exhausted, you develop a stutter. Sometimes the stutter is so heavy that you mix up consonants in words. Tonight's stutter consonant mix up was by far my favorite thus far. 

While talking about the toys you would get to see and play with during our upcoming trip to the pediatrician's office, you said, 

"And I c-c-c-can to s-s-s-s-sit on the big tr-tr-tr-trire fuck!"

Oh, how I love listening to you (try to) speak. 

two years, eight months, three weeks

Dear Zachary,

Tonight was the 5th night in a row that we put you in your big boy bed for the night and, for the most part, you stayed in your bed until you finally fell asleep. I am so proud of you. I know we've changed your sleeping arrangements a lot over the past month between taking off the side of the crib, to going on vacation and having you sleep on an air- mattress in two different houses over the course of 10 days. And although I've done my share of complaining and experienced my own anxieties about you being done with the crib, it looks as if, at this exact moment, that you are settling into this new routine. Finally.

Sleep tight, my little man. I know you'll be running into my room at some point in the middle of the night, asking to "sleep in mommy daddy's bed". And mommy and/or daddy will have to walk you back to your big boy bed...

I love you, even though you completely exhaust me most days.

Love,
Mommy.

two years, eight months, two weeks

Dear Zachary,

Before I start this week's letter, I just want to acknowledge that Mommy seems to be having a hard time writing you these letters weekly recently. For that much, I'm sorry. You see, we've been very busy spending our days together, and I'd rather spend my time playing with you (despite your resistance to take naps) than writing my blog. 

I wanted to document for you some of the random things you've been saying lately. Maybe next week (or hopefully later this week), I'll write more about our recent vacation and your first trip to Sea World. But for now, here are some quotes and bit of conversations from the past few weeks which have brought me smiles and laughter. 

1. "Old McDonald had a farm E I E I O. And on that farm he had a dog...B I N G O!"

2. You: bye bye mommy, I'm going now!

Me: where are you going?

You: I'm going to Sesame Street. I see you later!

3. While sitting  on the airplane to CA, you: we're going on an airplane next week!

Me: no Zac, we're on an airplane right now. 

4. While listening to a youth jazz ensemble in Santa Monica "when my big, I will do that, mommy!"

5. Upon arriving at grandma's house in San Diego, "where are the camels?" (We've been talking about the San Diego zoo a lot...

6. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,15,17,18,19,18...(me: 20), 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39...30-10!

7. Me: Zac, we're on the freeway. You: where's the four-way?? Me: no Zac, it's not a THREE-way...

8. At 5:30am, you: "what should I do now?" Me: "put your head down and go back to sleep."

9. After throwing hard objects at my face, "Mommy, I want you to be angry!"

10. "I'm not taking a nap, I'm taking a bedtime!"

11. "The weasels on the bus go round and round"

12. "I want to listen to possible music"

13. "You made him a steak in the elevator"

14. "These keys are for shalom bayit, but I don't need to use them because somebody's already here."

And the most shocking and least favorite, 

15. "You need to buy me a little iPad."

Looking forward to hearing what will come out of your mouth next!

Love, mommy. 

"What my hair?"

It's a lot of fun to listen to you talk, especially when I have no idea what you're saying (which is really only a small percentage of the time). For the most part, your speech is pretty clear and people who don't speak 2 year old can understand you fairly easily. Other times, it takes me a few tries to decipher your language. You are generally pretty patient with me and will repeat yourself several times until I get it. 

For a few months, you've been saying "bacanuum" to refer to the vacuum cleaner. "I help mommy with the bacanuum today!" 

Or, most recently, and maybe my favorite so far, "what my hair??" Which translates to "what do I hear?" Or "what's that unfamiliar sound?" I have to admit, while you say this phrase quite often, I still ask you "what's wrong with your hair?!" and have to take a moment to remember you are not talking about your head.